child support | THE BLACK LADDER

Dr. Samori Swygert

We’re having problems dealing with the reality of single parent households. Ultimately, the problem resides with both parents of the children being born and raised in single parent households.

There is a high incidence of diabetes in the African American community, so this writing will not be sugar-coated!

Stop Passing the Buck

The blame goes on both individuals, and it’s time to stop pointing fingers at the other mate, social, and governmental constructs. At the end of the day, individuals choose to get naked, and copulate. Uncle Sam, the police, your job, your parents, your friends, are not in the room cheering you on or helping the insertion and e*********n of the male G*******a into the female vaginal cavity, point blank PERIOD!

We embrace the acceptance of excuses, and blame any and all 3^rd parties, but ourselves. Let’s keep it 1000%.

We acquiesce to our personal, selfish, lustful desires in our hearts, and visions within our minds. Men look at women and see how voluptuous she is from her lips to her hips and how pretty she is in the face. Women do the same analysis of the male physical anatomy. The physical attraction to the opposite sεx’s anatomy captivates our desires, and the allure of smooth, easy, casual conversation seals the deal for most. Sometimes it may go beyond the physical, and it involves the allure of money, and social clout.

Unfortunately, after s*x, and after we’ve explored all our carnal fantasies, our post-orgasmic reality sets in. The post-coital soberness of the situation becomes blatantly apparent. We see that we are incongruent in our emotions, beliefs, expectations, and dreams. Sadly, and frequently, the realization of incompatibility occurs after impregnation.

The things we excused, allowed, permitted, ignored, and settled for to have this physical intimacy now become more pronounced. All these factors become irritants and monkey wrenches in the dreams we’ve had for ourselves. This person now becomes a permanent fixture in our life because of an infinite bond between the children that are conceived. The person may also become a deserter that relieves him or herself from the shared responsibilities and demands of parenting. Frustration develops because we never envisioned this imperfect lifestyle that we are now forced to live with.

The True Problem

Truthfully we can only blame ourselves because we don’t conduct enough thorough, in-depth character assessment of the individuals we choose to share our bodies with. We pay more attention to the physical aesthetics of attraction.

We don’t conduct long term examination of individual’s character. We are not willing to watch a person for a year before being intimate and judge their character because we think it’s abnormal, physically unrealistic, and uncool… NEWSFLASH! BUT WE SPEND 18-21 YEARS IN AND OUT OF CHILD SUPPORT COURT, ARGUMENTS, PAYCHECK GARNISHMENTS, PHYSICAL BATTLES, CUSTODY HEARINGS, FIGHTS BETWEEN NEW SPOUSES, DIMINISHED SAVINGS, and complaining to any receptive ear about our story.

This thinking is illogical but we are sold on this behavior through entertainment, bad advice from elder family, friends, associates, and our own l**t to satisfy our flesh. But satisfaction of the flesh is no longer excusable! I mean people smoke Crack because it feels good, right?

It’s imperative that both black men and women stop blaming each other for single parent households, and hold their horses for a minute. Recognize that there is an attraction, embrace it, and admit it to each other, but EXERCISE SELF CONTROL!! Then examine your mate.

Pre-Sεx Assessment

See if the person possesses the qualities of: patience, honesty, dependability, fidelity, consideration, helpfulness, strong work ethic, productivity, forgiveness, identical ideologies and philosophies on family and religion, how they handle finances, how they cope with stress, and handle disagreements.

However, this takes time, and you can’t obtain this information from 2 and 5 months of sεx and dating. We are skipping the conversation, jumping to consummation, and then holding each other in condemnation. Are we in that much physical heat and impatience that we can’t screen for a year, versus agonizing about child support for 21 years? It takes two to tango. I don’t care how enamored you are with the girl and guy you are dating, if we are to shift this single parent paradigm, we have to change our current irresponsible behavioral patterns. If you don’t believe me, you are not being honest and real with yourself. We are more serious about satisfying our bodies and not the intrinsic criteria of the mate we NEED.

We don’t shop for stocks and investments like this! We examine a company’s performance over an extended period of time, we review their history, we analyze the company’s mission statement, analyze how much the stock yields in interest, we see how it fits into our portfolio! If we can do this for our money, why can’t we do this for our bodies, future children, and family plans?

If this is too restrictive for you, than maybe you should always have a notarized contract relieving individuals of parental responsibility, wear a condom with spermicidal lubricant, while the female is on birth control, during the least fertile time of the month as you use the withdrawal method during e*********n, and take a Plan B after sεx, all at the same dαmn time (you know, like the PORNSTARS do). This is truly sad because we are producing generations of kids out of l**t, not love, and all children should be conceived in love, although this is not the prevailing norm.

Dr. Frances Cress Welsing (author of The Isis Papers) said that “we play games with love, and the jokes end up on our children”.

Talk back to me!!

By Dr. Samori Swygert

As Father’s Day approaches, I pondered about this question God asked Adam in the Garden of Eden. I feel this is an apropos question during these times. We’ve grown accustomed to news reports and police briefings about children that have been kidnapped and/or abducted. Local and statewide authorities will typically issue an Amber Alert to the public to make citizens aware of the abduction. What happens when the parents blatantly disregard their offspring and abandon their children?

Many parents have surrendered, forfeited, neglected, and purposefully defaulted on their call to duty of parenting. There is an alarming trend of parents in both genders that have chosen the AWOL and MIA pill. However, the child is left to swallow and experience the side effects of their parents’ choice. The irony of this scenario is this, as humans we struggle to prove independence, maturity, and adulthood. We walk around the city, workplace, neighborhood, and demand respect from strangers, colleagues, friends and family, but yet some of us aren’t performing the duties worthy of the title of man, woman, father, and mother.

The terminology of man and woman is often distinguished from boy and girl by age, physical maturation, and more importantly, ownership of responsibilities. Have we morphed into a society that condones adult s*x, but reneges and relinquishes responsibility, when it comes to caring for the life created from our own tissue that didn’t volunteer to be here?

There are understandable explanations at times, but there are also unacceptable excuses. Some parents may be subjected to violent spousal abuse, and this can be both physical and psychological. I wouldn’t encourage anybody to remain in a violent and volatile environment where their psychological hygiene and physical being are at risk of destruction.

However, there are derelictions of duty on the premises of selfishness, laziness, fear, incompatibility, anger, finance, new romantic interests, and a myriad of other excuses. Excuses are easily exposed by a simple question from the child to the parent in question. Why did you leave me? If the answer revolves around the prior list, then you probably made an excuse for a dereliction of duty. It is understandable, and real that some people are just not meant to be together, however it is not a get out of parenting free card.

When parents agree to terminate the relationship, they should fortify the plans for consistent involvement in the child’s life. Many children are left to the streets and unpredictable acquaintances of their surrogate guardians. Many kids today grow up in an environment where the mother is the TV, the father is the computer, the sister is the cell phone, the brother is the radio, and the grandparents are the streets.

These precarious familial structures often result in social tragedy and mental instability for many youth today. There is often no concrete accountability to the child, and at any given moment the streets and the new interim guardian can turn their back on the child, and leave the child feeling betrayed and broken hearted. This domestic dynamic is occurring in several homes in many communities across America.

However, on a more positive note, this domestic quagmire can be fixed and repaired. When these situations arise, the child must become top priority. Children are our seeds, and seeds need watering to grow. Both parents must put aside any and all excuses, accept reality and hydrate the child with the love it deserves. A flower will not grow by one glass of water once a week in the face of sunshine.

The sun will eventually dehydrate the flower, and too much water without sunshine will drown the flower. A proper balance of sunlight and water must be applied for proper cultivation.

This metaphor exemplifies the mandatory balance of both parent’s influence in the child’s life. Parents should exhaust every effort to provide the child with the love of a parent or stepparent without confusing it with the desires, expectations, animosity and resentment of a love once enjoyed, but currently defunct. A good relationship with your child’s mother is not a prerequisite to caring for your child, and caring for your child should not be contingent upon the mother being with you.

There are many good, strong black men that are actively fathering in a two parent household. There also men that are separated from the mother of their child, but still handle their fatherly responsibilities with diligence. Kudos and accolades should be granted to these men during this upcoming holiday. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO THE MEN THAT ARE FATHERS! However, to the transient male that has produced a child, Genesis 3:9 has a question for you to answer. Adam where art thou?

Empowering the climb to success and higher understanding!