By Dr. Samori Swygert
As Father’s Day approaches, I pondered about this question God asked Adam in the Garden of Eden. I feel this is an apropos question during these times. We’ve grown accustomed to news reports and police briefings about children that have been kidnapped and/or abducted. Local and statewide authorities will typically issue an Amber Alert to the public to make citizens aware of the abduction. What happens when the parents blatantly disregard their offspring and abandon their children?
Many parents have surrendered, forfeited, neglected, and purposefully defaulted on their call to duty of parenting. There is an alarming trend of parents in both genders that have chosen the AWOL and MIA pill. However, the child is left to swallow and experience the side effects of their parents’ choice. The irony of this scenario is this, as humans we struggle to prove independence, maturity, and adulthood. We walk around the city, workplace, neighborhood, and demand respect from strangers, colleagues, friends and family, but yet some of us aren’t performing the duties worthy of the title of man, woman, father, and mother.
The terminology of man and woman is often distinguished from boy and girl by age, physical maturation, and more importantly, ownership of responsibilities. Have we morphed into a society that condones adult s*x, but reneges and relinquishes responsibility, when it comes to caring for the life created from our own tissue that didn’t volunteer to be here?
There are understandable explanations at times, but there are also unacceptable excuses. Some parents may be subjected to violent spousal abuse, and this can be both physical and psychological. I wouldn’t encourage anybody to remain in a violent and volatile environment where their psychological hygiene and physical being are at risk of destruction.
However, there are derelictions of duty on the premises of selfishness, laziness, fear, incompatibility, anger, finance, new romantic interests, and a myriad of other excuses. Excuses are easily exposed by a simple question from the child to the parent in question. Why did you leave me? If the answer revolves around the prior list, then you probably made an excuse for a dereliction of duty. It is understandable, and real that some people are just not meant to be together, however it is not a get out of parenting free card.
When parents agree to terminate the relationship, they should fortify the plans for consistent involvement in the child’s life. Many children are left to the streets and unpredictable acquaintances of their surrogate guardians. Many kids today grow up in an environment where the mother is the TV, the father is the computer, the sister is the cell phone, the brother is the radio, and the grandparents are the streets.
These precarious familial structures often result in social tragedy and mental instability for many youth today. There is often no concrete accountability to the child, and at any given moment the streets and the new interim guardian can turn their back on the child, and leave the child feeling betrayed and broken hearted. This domestic dynamic is occurring in several homes in many communities across America.
However, on a more positive note, this domestic quagmire can be fixed and repaired. When these situations arise, the child must become top priority. Children are our seeds, and seeds need watering to grow. Both parents must put aside any and all excuses, accept reality and hydrate the child with the love it deserves. A flower will not grow by one glass of water once a week in the face of sunshine.
The sun will eventually dehydrate the flower, and too much water without sunshine will drown the flower. A proper balance of sunlight and water must be applied for proper cultivation.
This metaphor exemplifies the mandatory balance of both parent’s influence in the child’s life. Parents should exhaust every effort to provide the child with the love of a parent or stepparent without confusing it with the desires, expectations, animosity and resentment of a love once enjoyed, but currently defunct. A good relationship with your child’s mother is not a prerequisite to caring for your child, and caring for your child should not be contingent upon the mother being with you.
There are many good, strong black men that are actively fathering in a two parent household. There also men that are separated from the mother of their child, but still handle their fatherly responsibilities with diligence. Kudos and accolades should be granted to these men during this upcoming holiday. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO THE MEN THAT ARE FATHERS! However, to the transient male that has produced a child, Genesis 3:9 has a question for you to answer. Adam where art thou?
