Tag Archives: love

Socio-Cultural Commentary

A new perspective on single parent households

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mom-and-three-kids-300x200Dr. Samori Swygert

We’re having problems dealing with the reality of single parent households.  Ultimately, the problem resides with both parents of the children being born and raised in single parent households.

There is a high incidence of diabetes in the African American community, so this writing will not be sugar-coated!

Stop Passing the Buck

The blame goes on both individuals, and it’s time to stop pointing fingers at the other mate, social, and governmental constructs.  At the end of the day, individuals choose to get naked, and copulate.  Uncle Sam, the police, your job, your parents, your friends, are not in the room cheering you on or helping the insertion and e*********n of the male G*******a into the female vaginal cavity, point blank PERIOD!

We embrace the acceptance of excuses, and blame any and all 3rd parties, but ourselves.  Let’s keep it 1000%.

We acquiesce to our personal, selfish, lustful desires in our hearts, and visions within our minds.  Men look at women and see how voluptuous she is from her lips to her hips and how pretty she is in the face.  Women do the same analysis of the male physical anatomy.  The physical attraction to the opposite sεx’s anatomy captivates our desires, and the allure of smooth, easy, casual conversation seals the deal for most.  Sometimes it may go beyond the physical, and it involves the allure of money, and social clout.

Unfortunately, after s*x, and after we’ve explored all our carnal fantasies, our post-orgasmic reality sets in. The post-coital soberness of the situation becomes blatantly apparent.  We see that we are incongruent in our emotions, beliefs, expectations, and dreams.  Sadly, and frequently, the realization of incompatibility occurs after impregnation.

The things we excused, allowed, permitted, ignored, and settled for to have this physical intimacy now become more pronounced.  All these factors become irritants and monkey wrenches in the dreams we’ve had for ourselves.  This person now becomes a permanent fixture in our life because of an infinite bond between the children that are conceived.  The person may also become a deserter that relieves him or herself from the shared responsibilities and demands of parenting.  Frustration develops because we never envisioned this imperfect lifestyle that we are now forced to live with.

The True Problem

Truthfully we can only blame ourselves because we don’t conduct enough thorough, in-depth character assessment of the individuals we choose to share our bodies with.  We pay more attention to the physical aesthetics of attraction.

We don’t conduct long term examination of individual’s character.  We are not willing to watch a person for a year before being intimate and judge their character because we think it’s abnormal, physically unrealistic, and uncool… NEWSFLASH! BUT WE SPEND 18-21 YEARS IN AND OUT OF CHILD SUPPORT COURT, ARGUMENTS, PAYCHECK GARNISHMENTS, PHYSICAL BATTLES, CUSTODY HEARINGS, FIGHTS BETWEEN NEW SPOUSES, DIMINISHED SAVINGS, and complaining to any receptive ear about our story.

This thinking is illogical but we are sold on this behavior through entertainment, bad advice from elder family, friends, associates, and our own l**t to satisfy our flesh.  But satisfaction of the flesh is no longer excusable! I mean people smoke Crack because it feels good, right? 

It’s imperative that both black men and women stop blaming each other for single parent households, and hold their horses for a minute.  Recognize that there is an attraction, embrace it, and admit it to each other, but EXERCISE SELF CONTROL!!  Then examine your mate.

Pre-Sεx Assessment

See if the person possesses the qualities of: patience, honesty, dependability, fidelity, consideration, helpfulness, strong work ethic, productivity, forgiveness, identical ideologies and philosophies on family and religion, how they handle finances, how they cope with stress, and handle disagreements.

However, this takes time, and you can’t obtain this information from 2 and 5 months of sεx and dating.  We are skipping the conversation, jumping to consummation, and then holding each other in condemnation.  Are we in that much physical heat and impatience that we can’t screen for a year, versus agonizing about child support for 21 years?  It takes two to tango.  I don’t care how enamored you are with the girl and guy you are dating, if we are to shift this single parent paradigm, we have to change our current irresponsible behavioral patterns.  If you don’t believe me, you are not being honest and real with yourself.  We are more serious about satisfying our bodies and not the intrinsic criteria of the mate we NEED.

We don’t shop for stocks and investments like this! We examine a company’s performance over an extended period of time, we review their history, we analyze the company’s mission statement, analyze how much the stock yields in interest, we see how it fits into our portfolio!  If we can do this for our money, why can’t we do this for our bodies, future children, and family plans?

If this is too restrictive for you, than maybe you should always have a notarized contract relieving individuals of parental responsibility, wear a condom with spermicidal lubricant, while the female is on birth control, during the least fertile time of the month as you use the withdrawal method during e*********n, and take a Plan B after sεx, all at the same dαmn time (you know, like the PORNSTARS do). This is truly sad because we are producing generations of kids out of l**t, not love, and all children should be conceived in love, although this is not the prevailing norm.

Dr. Frances Cress Welsing (author of The Isis Papers) said that “we play games with love, and the jokes end up on our children”.

Talk back to me!!

Socio-Cultural Commentary

Samori Swygert: Letter to my younger black brother

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young-Black-men1-300x205

My Young Black Brother,

I hope all is well with you.  I’m writing you in genuine concern and interest for your well being.  You possess tremendous amounts of untapped potential and greatness that you have yet to discover about yourself.  I’ve been in many of the same situations you’re going through now, and you are probably going through some I haven’t.

Everything I’m saying to you in this letter is out of love, because some of you never knew your father, or was abandoned by your father.  I lost my father at the age of 6, and I understand the adversities in the search for manhood.  Your big brother is just taking time out of his schedule to pause and holla at ya.  I’m going to tell you some things that no rapper is going to tell you even after 6 full length albums and 100 interviews. 

First, do everything you can to save as much money as possible.  There will come a time a few years from now when you want or need to purchase, invest, or start your own business.  Some point in time you are going to want to marry the woman you dreamt of and start a family with her, and that requires savings.  Don’t waste your money on clothes, jewelry, drugs, alcohol and other nonsense.  I did that in my teenage to college years and I don’t wear any of those clothes or jewelry now, and I no longer enjoy the effects of liquor and weed we drank and smoked.  To be even more honest I lost 2 of my best friends in a drunk driven accident.  I know if I was to calculate every dollar spent on fashion trends from highschool to graduate school, I would have tens of thousands of dollars.  I’m doing pretty good financially now, but I would have been better if I had listened to my mom telling me to save my money, but I tried to keep up with the trends.

Second, respect your body man.  You get one body, there isn’t a remix on life (that’s an AZ quote).  Years of alcohol abuse, weed, ecstasy, and all other kind of drugs will take their toll on you.  I’ve seen so many friends from college that look older than they are.  You also want to be healthy enough to enjoy your family and be healthy enough to be an active parent in your child’s life.  You also don’t want to be a financial burden on your family by being chronically ill. Make sure you refrain from unprotected sex.  You don’t want to cut your life short by getting a disease that is incurable and physically destructive.  Many women won’t tell you  they’re infected, and some don’t even know they are infected and will infect you.  Buy and use your own condoms, don’t let a female give you a condom.  It is good that she is making the right and kind gesture, but you don’t know if the condom is tampered with.  If you choose to engage in sex, a real man will get tested and get his girl tested for STDs.  Get tested with any female you get serious with, and if she refuses, leave her.

You won’t get along with every girl you date.  Some relationships will be all mental, some women will teach you things and change you forever, some will just be pure physical attraction, and you will also have spiritual connections.  However, never ever, ever, ever, ever, put your hands on a woman.  When you find yourself mad enough to get physical, just leave the relationship alone and quit it.  You never want to be in that position.  Never stay in a relationship with a woman that will push you to the point of physical force.  You will end up in jail and ruin your record, ruin your gentleman reputation, deal with repercussions from the men on her side, and that’s just not love.  There is a difference between a disagreement and physical aggression.

Also, if you meet a woman you really love and she loves and respects you, don’t hesitate to say ” I love you”, and express how you feel.  A coward holds his feelings and is scared to act on them.

Be careful in these streets man.  Society has a perception of young black men and many are looking for any reason to kill you or incarcerate you.  Be conscious of your appearance, I know you’re not a thug, but if you fit the look that society sees, they will act on that perception.  Les Brown said “how you dress determines how you’re addressed”.   Carry yourself respectfully, talk with meaning and purpose.  Don’t worry about people saying you are talking proper.  One of the coldest and realest men I admire, Malcolm X, commanded the  American vocabulary and could out debate anybody.

Having a child is no joke at all.  As a young man, I know there are adventures, dreams, and just plain young fun you want to have.  When you have a child, that will force you into adulthood, and all those adventures and fun will be put on delay.  Babies are expensive man, you have to provide food, housing, daycare, education, and health insurance until that baby is your age and older.  I don’t even want to mention the amount money you will spend in child support if things don’t workout between you and the mother of your child.  You should not have to experience this at a young age, enjoy your youth.  Always think with logic first and not emotions. Remember that all emotions are temporary, but some results are permanent so  always think about your decisions.  Always,…….. planning is key.

Think about your future and take responsibility for it early.  Increase your reading and knowledge about any and everything.  School doesn’t stop when 3:30 bell rings.  Try reading a book a month, if you read 10 pages a day, that is a 300-310 page book. In 4 years you would have read 48 books that can turn you into a king.  At my age I learned that knowledge is everything.  The famous quote, “the strong rule the weak, but the wise rule the strong”, is true. Learn new languages and make friends of various ethnicities.  Your country is becoming extremely diverse and you need to know more than english, believe your brother, I’m just keepin it 100.

Avoid gangs and violence bro.  I know it’s hard because sometime the gang culture is overwhelming but try to stay neutral.  You’ll get involved in all types of dangerous, life changing experiences you would never have wanted for yourself.  Respect all men that respect you, and protect your elders.

 Don’t believe one thing these rappers say.  Rappers will have you screaming thug life and gang affiliations but they will not be there to take your bullet, or pay your bail, or keep your prison canteen commissary filled, fight your battles in jail cells and prison showers.   Your favorite rapper won’t pay your debt after you try to buy everything you see in their video.  Your favorite rapper wont take your STD pills if you catch one trying to imitate s****l acts talked about in their rhymes, or pay your child support.  What rapper could have saved Biggie, and Tupac?  None of these so called rappers could have saved them, all they could do is throw their name around, and write a song about them.

I used to hate to be told what to do.  When I got older that made me say ” take care of your business or your business will take care of you”.  The things that you should do, but don’t feel like doing, will having you doing things you never wanted to do for a long time.  Make sure you get involved politically when you’re old enough to vote, because you want to have a say in the decisions about how you live your life.

Okay little bro, I’m about to bounce, but I just wanted to holla at you for a second.  Be good.   I’ll send you another one in a few months to come.

Peace,

Socio-Cultural Commentary

Genesis 3:9 –ADAM WHERE ART THOU? ( A Father’s Day question)

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fatherhoodBy Dr. Samori Swygert

As Father’s Day approaches, I pondered about this question God asked Adam in the Garden of Eden.  I feel this is an apropos question during these times.  We’ve grown accustomed to news reports and police briefings about children that have been kidnapped and/or abducted.  Local and statewide authorities will typically issue an Amber Alert to the public to make citizens aware of the abduction.  What happens when the parents blatantly disregard their offspring and abandon their children?

Many parents have surrendered, forfeited, neglected, and purposefully defaulted on their call to duty of parenting. There is an alarming trend of parents in both genders that have chosen the AWOL and MIA pill.  However, the child is left to swallow and experience the side effects of their parents’ choice.  The irony of this scenario is this, as humans we struggle to prove independence, maturity, and adulthood.  We walk around the city, workplace, neighborhood, and demand respect from strangers, colleagues, friends and family, but yet some of us aren’t performing the duties worthy of the title of man, woman, father, and mother.

The terminology of man and woman is often distinguished from boy and girl by age, physical maturation, and more importantly, ownership of responsibilities.   Have we morphed into a society that condones adult s*x, but reneges and relinquishes responsibility, when it comes to caring for the life created from our own tissue that didn’t volunteer to be here?

There are understandable explanations at times, but there are also unacceptable excuses.  Some parents may be subjected to violent spousal abuse, and this can be both physical and psychological.  I wouldn’t encourage anybody to remain in a violent and volatile environment where their psychological hygiene and physical being are at risk of destruction.

However, there are derelictions of duty on the premises of selfishness, laziness, fear, incompatibility, anger, finance, new romantic interests, and a myriad of other excuses.  Excuses are easily exposed by a simple question from the child to the parent in question.  Why did you leave me?  If the answer revolves around the prior list, then you probably made an excuse for a dereliction of duty.  It is understandable, and real that some people are just not meant to be together, however it is not a get out of parenting free card.

When parents agree to terminate the relationship, they should fortify the plans for consistent involvement in the child’s life.  Many children are left to the streets and unpredictable acquaintances of their surrogate guardians.  Many kids today grow up in an environment where the mother is the TV, the father is the computer, the sister is the cell phone, the brother is the radio, and the grandparents are the streets.

These precarious familial structures often result in social tragedy and mental instability for many youth today. There is often no concrete accountability to the child, and at any given moment the streets and the new interim guardian can turn their back on the child, and leave the child feeling betrayed and broken hearted.  This domestic dynamic is occurring in several homes in many communities across America.

However, on a more positive note, this domestic quagmire can be fixed and repaired.   When these situations arise, the child must become top priority.  Children are our seeds, and seeds need watering to grow.  Both parents must put aside any and all excuses, accept reality and hydrate the child with the love it deserves.  A flower will not grow by one glass of water once a week in the face of sunshine.

The sun will eventually dehydrate the flower, and too much water without sunshine will drown the flower.  A proper balance of sunlight and water must be applied for proper cultivation.

This metaphor exemplifies the mandatory balance of both parent’s influence in the child’s life.  Parents should exhaust every effort to provide the child with the love of a parent or stepparent without confusing it with the desires, expectations, animosity and resentment of a love once enjoyed, but currently defunct.  A good relationship with your child’s mother is not a prerequisite to caring for your child, and caring for your child should not be contingent upon the mother being with you.

There are many good, strong black men that are actively fathering in a two parent household. There also men that are separated from the mother of their child, but still handle their fatherly responsibilities with diligence.  Kudos and accolades should be granted to these men during this upcoming holiday.  HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO THE MEN THAT ARE FATHERS!  However, to the transient male that has produced a child, Genesis 3:9 has a question for you to answer.  Adam where art thou?