Relationships and Marriage- Assembly is required

By: Doc Swagg

I would like to deviate from my normal genre of blogs: science/technology, politics, and cultural issues.  I want to share a perspective on relationships.

I think it’s imperative that we are realistic when we’re ready to date.  I think that it’s good, normal, and human to have dreams, and goals about life.  However, when does responsibility and accountability kick in to initiate the work to achieve and obtain our goals?

I often hear both genders rattle off what they want in their mate.  I mean many people have an itemized checklist.  That is good because it means you are specific about what you want.  However, when I hear people talk about relationships and marriage, I get this imaginary fairy tale projection generated from their psyche.  Many times this is subconsciously generated from what we’ve seen on TV, movies, books, and even an external surface view of the relationships of our family and friends.

I say this is equivalent to walking into a sporting goods store and shopping for a mountain bike.  We know what we want when we see it.  We walk around, and there it is, it has all the specifications, dimensions, and performance features you’ve been looking for.  You’re ready to purchase, and so you find a sales associate to facilitate the transaction.  You tell him/her that you want that bike “right there”, and they say, “not a problem, give me a second”.  The sales associate returns with a bulky box with the picture on the box and starts walking to the register.  You ask, “can I get that one I right there?”.  They say, “Sorry that’s the floor model, it’s only for display”.  You shrug and sigh because you were hoping they would say yes, but you accept the box and purchase it.

Assembly Required

The thought of sitting down, investing time to read the instruction manual, becoming familiar with the various parts, and tools seems daunting, but you do it anyway because you want that picture on the box.  Yes, a little assembly is required.

When it’s complete, you are so anxious to ride it (no pun intended), that you hop on it and ride it to the sunset.  You ride everywhere and you show it to your friends.  You make sure you keep it secured with a lock to prevent someone from stealing it.  You bring it inside during bad weather to protect it from environmental elements, and you check tire pressure to make sure it’s not getting flat.

Real life

So that was about the joy and pain of purchasing a mountain bike.  Well portions of this analogy can be extrapolated to our relationships and marriage.  Many of us want this picturesque relationship, but cringe at the thought of putting in the effort.  We want the preassembled floor model.  However, assembly is required, and in some cases, batteries are not included.

Dreams are worth fighting for and working at.  Many of us are lazy about our dreams, but like assembling the bike, you must take time to understand your partner to build the relationship.  You must know the various parts, mechanisms, and tools to use.  You must know how and where things fit.  We also must understand order of operations.  The instruction manual has a step by step description that leads to a working final product, and if you skip a step or leave out a part, your bike won’t perform as described.  Our mates have been who they are for decades, and they have their rhythm of life, and it’s important to see how and when we fit in harmoniously.    During assembly we may attach the wrong thing, and have to stop, disassemble and then reassemble it correctly for it to be truly operational.

Furthermore, when we take time to build it from scratch (not preassembled), we have an idea of what may be the problem when things go wrong.  This is similar to how a mechanic can listen to a car and say, “it’s the transmission”.  When you and your partner build this dream together, you guys can detect and hone in on the root of a problem instead of guessing.  Also, when both of you have built the dream, there is a sense of ownership because of the investment of time, money, teamwork, and energy that was expended.

Conclusion

Forgive me if I was waxing a bit poetic, but I’m also a published author of a book of poetry, and I can really indulge in metaphors.  Much of what I said is very relative, and I’m positive that many of you already know this info.  I just like putting a spin on topics to see the same object from a different view to help a stagnant perspective.  Relationships and marriage are similar in ways to the assembly and maintenance of a bike (or any complex device), however bikes are inanimate and we are dealing with humans, so there is a dynamic variable that fluctuates with human emotions and experiences.   The bottom line is, assembly is required and maintenance is mandatory, now enjoy the Tour De France of romance!